


Yuri!!! On Prozac

by MaxMattel666



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Bulimia, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Married Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Not Beta Read, Post-Canon, Protective Victor Nikiforov, Supportive Victor Nikiforov, Victor Nikiforov Is In Love, brief non-graphic description of an eating disorder, yuuri has an eating disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24631243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaxMattel666/pseuds/MaxMattel666
Summary: Yuuri’s always had problems with food. It becomes too much when Viktor catches his husband reading an article written to body-shame him.A short fic about Viktor finding out Yuuri has an eating disorder and helping him choose recovery.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Comments: 6
Kudos: 282





	Yuri!!! On Prozac

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is completely self-indulgent because I love Yuuri and project on him like nobody’s business and I am in recovery for bulimia. I’m having a really hard time in quarantine and so writing this was kind of cathardic. But please, PLEASE, do not read this if you feel you might be triggered by the subject matter. There is no graphic description of eating disorder behaviours but please do proceed with caution.   
> I hope you all are staying healthy and safe. Check out the links on my profile for information and resources regarding BLM protests.

Yuuri’s head was swimming as he scrolled through the article on his phone. It featured some particularly unflattering paparazzi pictures of him and Viktor on their honeymoon, which the couple had only just returned from a week prior. He was horrified but at the same time he couldn’t stop himself from rereading the article titled “Katsuki Yuuri Retires? Off-season Weight Gain Sparks Rumors.'' Yuuri felt hot tears prickle in the corners of his eyes as he scanned the article. 

While on honeymoon in The Ukraine, five-time Grand Prix gold-medalist and Olympian Viktor Nikiforov and new husband, fellow skater Yuuri Katsuki, hit the beach. Nikiforov announced his retirement at the end of this last season after a brief return. Rumors are now circulating that Katsuki may retire as well, judging from his appearance in those swim trunks [pictured above], the rumors may very well be true. 

Salty tears slid down Yuuri’s cheeks as his breathing became ragged. He pulled his knees into his chest and sobbed. Yuuri had always struggled with his weight and being thin was crucial to figure skating. Lighter bodies could jump higher, land easier, and spin faster. Yuuri looked down at his body, he hadn’t even gained that much weight, he thought. Maybe a few kilograms but nothing like when Vicchan died and he bombed the Grand Prix Finals two years ago. It wasn’t like Yuuri had been binge eating on their honeymoon anyways, he had simply been enjoying himself with his new husband. That was it, right? Yuuri had always been quick to put on weight, sometimes he swore even looking at unhealthy foods seemed to make him gain a kilogram or two. Yuuri cried harder, feeling both too big and so small. When doubts like these creeped into his mind, doubts that he wasn’t good enough for Viktor, Yuuri would spiral and soon he felt himself beginning to slip away. 

“Hello, my love,” Viktor chimed as he waltzed through the front door of their apartment, one arm outstretched, the other occupied with a grocery bag. Yuuri barely lifted his head off his knees to look at his husband who was kicking off his shoes by the door. 

“Yuuri?” Viktor called softly, his brow furrowed upon seeing the distressed look that had settled itself across Yuuri’s face. “Are you alright, did something happen?” 

“Oh, um, no. I, well…” Yuuri couldn’t get the words out between his sniffles. 

Viktor set the groceries on the kitchen table and made his way over to the couch. Yuuri looked up at Viktor, who was leaning over him slight, one arm stretched out along the back of the couch. Viktor was still bundled up from his venture to the store, the St.Petersburg winters were especially brutal, but it was still cold even now in the spring. His nose and ears were still tinged pink from the cold. With shaking hands Yuuri handed his phone to Viktor, the article still open. Yuuri turned away from his husband, he suddenly felt very embarrassed. He stared at the floor as Viktor scrolled through the article. 

“What is this?” Viktor spoke, barely a minute later. 

“People… people think I should retire because I’ve gotten fat,” Yuuri choked out with a sob. It hurt so much more to hear it come out of his own mouth than read it on a screen. Saying it out loud made it real. 

“Whoever wrote this must be out of their minds. My Yuuri is beautiful,” Viktor defended in an almost biting tone. “It’s the off season, of course you’re not going to be in top competitive shape but you don't look like you’ve gained anything more than two or three kilos and we were on our honeymoon!” 

Rationally Yuuri knew that Viktor was right, but that didn’t stop the tears from pouring. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled between sobs. 

“Yuuri, my darling, look at me,” Viktor said softly, as he carefully took his husband’s flushed face in his hands. Viktor used his thumbs to gently wipe away the tears dribbling down Yuuri’s flushed cheeks. Yuuri screwed his eyes shut and hit his lip to hold back another choked sob. “You are so, so beautiful.” Viktor stroked his thumbs back over Yuuri’s cheeks reassuringly as he placed a chaste kiss to the smaller man’s forehead. 

“It’s just, I don’t know, really upsetting...” Yuuri trailed off, averting his eyes from Viktor. 

“I’ll call Yakov and have him talk to our publicist and get this taken down,” Viktor offered as he ran a soothing hand across Yuuri’s upper back. 

“No, it’s fine. They’re right anyways,” Yuuri sniffled. 

“Yuuri,” the Russian breathed softly. He had never been good with people crying in front of him, especially his husband, especially after the incident in the parking garage during the Cup of China. “Is there anything I can do?” Viktor asked in earnest. 

“No!” Yuuri choked out. Viktor pulled back suddenly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you,” Yuuri apologized, still unable to meet Viktor’s eyes. 

Carefully Viktor reached out a hand and stroked Yuuri’s dark hair, sweeping it out of his eyes. Yuuri finally lifted his chin to look at his husband. His deep brown eyed ere bloodshot and his nose was red and snotty. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Yuuri mumbled as he pushed his face against Viktor’s sturdy chest. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Viktor assured gently, holding Yuuri close against him. The pair stayed locked together like that for a while as Yuuri cried into his husband's chest. Once the tears seemed to finally stop and were replaced but small hiccups and the occasional sniffle, Viktor scooped Yuuri up. 

“Viktor!” Yuuri protested as he was hoisted up off the couch bridal style. 

“See? Light as a feather,” Viktor joked with a wink. 

Yuuri’s cheeks burned a deep red and he turned his face against Viktor’s chest once again. Once in their bedroom Viktor laid Yuuri down gently on his respective side of the bed closest to the window and pulled the covers up over his husband’s still shaking shoulders. Viktor pulled his practice clothes off and pulled on a pair of loose sweatpants before slipping into bed next to Yuuri who had curled in on himself, his back to Viktor. Viktor pressed himself against Yuuri’s back and snaked an arm around Yuuri’s torso, making Yuuri flinch. 

Before Viktor could question the sudden movement Yuuri choked out another apology, “I’m sorry.” Yuuri swallowed hard, “please don’t touch my stomach.” It was barely above a whisper but Viktor could still make it out. 

“Yuuri?” Viktor asked, placing a tentative hand on Yuuri’s shoulder. 

The Japanese man rolled over, new tears had welled up in his eyes. Viktor felt himself freeze, completely unsure of what to do as his eyes frantically searched Yuuri’s face for any clue as to how he felt. 

“Did the article really upset you that much? I can get it taken down,” Viktor questioned, keeping his tone soft. He didn’t want to push Yuuri. He knew that his husband’s tendency to gain weight easily had always been a source of insecurity but he didn’t understand the extent to which it impacted the Japanese skater. 

“Vitya...” Yuuri started, Viktor’s name almost sounding like a plea on his lips. The tears started to flow again. 

“Yuuri, please, you can talk to me,” Viktor whispered, leaning his forehead against Yuuri’s. Yuuri pulled away and pushed his face into the crook of Viktor’s neck. 

“You won’t love me anymore,” he mumbled as he moved to sit up. 

“What?” Viktor pulled back, utterly shocked. “Yuuri there is nothing, nothing in this whole world that could ever change how I feel about you, how I’ve always felt about you,” Viktor defended valiantly. 

“You’ll think I’m disgusting, just like everybody else does,” Yuuri cried. Viktor let his arm snake around Yuuri, his hand coming to rest on the small of the other skater’s back as he scooted next to his husband. 

“It doesn’t even matter, I’m not skinny enough for it to matter,” Yuuri sighed sadly, pushing himself out of Viktor’s grasp. Yuuri tried to turn away over but Viktor’s firm grip on his shoulder wouldn’t let him. 

“Please,” Viktor pleaded, his voice nearly cracked. Finally Viktor caught Yuuri’s gaze again and the smaller man let out a shaky breath. 

“I had problems... with food. When I was younger, that is. Well- I still sort of do,” Yuuri began. 

“We all eat a little too much sometimes, your metabolism is just a bit slow,” Viktor tried to rationalize in an attempt to make his husband feel better. Yuuri’s face dropped even more so. That definitely didn’t help. Viktor was about to open his mouth to offer an apology when Yuuri spoke up. 

“It’s more than that...” Yuuri bit the inside of his cheek nervously. “You know how, how my teeth always hurt when I drink something too cold?” 

Viktor raised an eyebrow but nodded. He knew Yuuri wasn’t a fan of cold drinks. “Yeah, you have sensitive teeth, you use special toothpaste,” he replied matter of factly. 

Yuuri nodded his head slowly. “And how I get heartburn a lot?” 

“You do like spicy food a lot more than me,” Viktor chuckled. Yuuri chewed at his bottom lip. 

“And how I have bruises on my knuckles sometimes?” 

“Yeah? From falling on the ice?” Viktor rationalized with another nod. The pair was frequently banged up, it came with their careers. 

“N-no, not from skating,” Yuuri corrected. 

“Yuuri, I’m confused,” Viktor admitted after a moment. 

“I have a problem,” Yuuri breathed shakily, “with food.” 

“It’s nothing you can’t fix with a good meal plan and some exercise once the season starts up again,” Viktor offered. He wasn’t getting it. 

“Viktor,” Yuuri croaked, his husband’s name sounding painful as it left his throat. Yuuri’s tone cut through Viktor like a hot blade. “It’s more than that.” There was a long pause before Yuuri mustered you the courage to speak again. “I had, or more like, um, I have an eating disorder.” 

Yuuri screwed his eyes shut tight and recoiled from Viktor as if he were expecting some sort of backlash to follow his confession, as irrational as that thought was, Yuuri couldn’t stop himself. Viktor blinked at Yuuri’s flushed face in confusion. 

“But I see you eat all the time?” He blurted out carelessly, unable to understand what his husband was trying to say. 

“Yeah, I know,” Yuuri frowned. “It’s about what I do after I eat.” 

The Russian looked even more confused than before, the pieces weren’t clicking together. 

“Viktor,” Yuuri sighed, “I’m- I have bulimia.” 

Yuuri had never spoken those words out loud before. He knew they were true, he had become well acquainted with the word’s definition as a teenager before finally hearing it’s proper name while training in Detroit, Bulimia Nervosa. Phichit knew, had figured it out and been the one to urge Yuuri to see a counselor on campus but Yuuri had never been properly diagnosed with that word, for so long it felt wrong to call what he had bulimia. But confessing to Viktor made him realize that there was nothing else to call it. That’s what it was, and what it always had been.

“Oh Yuuri…” Viktor sighed, reaching out a warm hand to gently stroke the Japanese man’s cheek. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Vitya. I-” Yuuri began to sob, bringing the heels of his hands to press into his reddened eyes. 

“I… I didn’t know. I didn’t even realize. Yuuri, zoloste, I am so sorry,” Viktor whispered as he held his husband’s cheek gently. Yuuri’s head fell against Viktor’s chest and the Russian pulled him close. “How can I help you?” Viktor pleaded. 

“I don’t know,” Yuuri sniffled as he shook in Viktor’s arms. 

“I can’t lose you,” Viktor said in a small voice. “Please let me help you, dorogoy.” 

“Okay,” Yuuri nodded slightly as he began to calm down. 

“Do you think maybe you’d like to see someone, like a therapist? Just your psychologist probably isn’t enough,” Viktor offered gently as he stroked the younger man’s hair. 

“I don’t know. My meds help but...I just don’t know,” Yuuri answered honestly. He had tried going to see a counselor in university but they could barely help him with his generalized anxiety, let alone a full blown eating disorder. So it made sense that he was nervous about getting help, anybody would be. 

“I want you around for as long as possible, I love you so much, my Yuuri. I can’t stand by and let you hurt yourself,” Viktor said, his voice a little choked. The thought of anything happening to his husband scared him to his core. 

“Okay,” Yuuri whispered. “I’ll, I’ll try it out. Just, stay with me?” He asked, brown eyes wide and teary. 

Viktor nuzzled his forehead against Yuuri’s, “I’ll always stay close to you.”


End file.
